We're getting married!

Yes, friends, it's finally happened... Ben and I are engaged!
See our website for more info, and check back often as we will be updating it frequently considering our wedding is planned for February 23, 2007.
WOOOO HOOOO!!!

Life, Love and the pursuit of Laughter

What a great Thanksgiving... Ry came home, the Christmas decs went up, and I actually got to sleep off this pnumonia and broken ribs. Yes, broken ribs. From coughing. As an old friend Katie Early said, "Geeze Anna, you're even an over-achiever in coughing!"
Perhaps the most memorable part of the weekend was spending time on Friday night with my family and Ben playing cards. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard, and the pain was worth it. Silly quotes and phrases, some too... errrr... crude to repeat, but hilarious none the less.
I'm going to try and be better about updating for all 4 of you that read this...
Maybe I'll put some pictures up later.

I recognize that I suck at updating my blog. I'm working on it.
So here is an update.
This Saturday is the final round of tryouts for the Rush, and it is open to the public. Yes, that means you. So if you are bored and looking for a good time, come and cheer me on at Excalibur in downtown Chi-town. Click here for more info.
Please come. I need the encouragement.
Ok, so there is an update.

I just finished watching a documentary on 9/11... it was actually an accidental documentary that had footage from inside the buildings, from a Firefighter's perspective. It messed with me. In the middle of the second tower coming down, we (my Mom, Ben, Craig and I) heard a crash come from the basement where my Dad had been working. My Mom ran downstairs and then moments later, came up following my Dad who had a big, bloody towel on his chin. Timing is everything I guess. He was cleaning the spa when the little deck around it collapsed and he jarred his chin on the part that, well, didn't. Off to the ER they went, most likely to get stitches and make sure he doesn't have a concusion.

My heart is wrecked right now. I've realized that being sick makes you incredibly lonely and sad, and now allowing myself to process (yet again) 9/11 and think about where our world is at since then... so much to take in.

I find myself, when I get overwhelmed by the disarray of the world, begging God to let me see monuments in my life; to allow me to live to see my wedding day, to have babies, to see my babies marry... God, I'm not ready to die yet. Just FYI.

Lizzie's Wedding!!!

My best friend got married and what an event it was! From planning the American wedding (they were married in Africa a week earlier) in two weeks to running inside to complete the ceremony when it started raining, it truly was a gift to have been a part of. I love you Liz!

Thoughts.

I am sick as a dog. I can't remember the last time I was this sick... I couldn't sleep last night b/c I could barely breathe. It was scary.

I wonder if I was to go back to the time this picture was taken (at about 2-3 years of age) would I still be as goofy and sometimes as annoying a commentator as I am now?

Could I fathom what would wreck my life just a few short years later? Could I grasp that when I moved to A-town in '92 I would be living exactly 1 mile from the man I plan on spending the rest of my life with?

If given the chance, would you go back to that age of innocence? That time where 'faith like a child' existed? I don't think we, as children, were ignorant... we were just blissfully unaware.

That might be nice right now. Excuse me while I go cough up my other lung.

New Job means...

Leaving my Bubbies... Zach is the little one I have nannied for the past year. We spent some time together at Ben's pool (his first pool experience!) on my last day... =(

Graduation Party

Las Vegas Baby!

FAAAAR too Long...

I can't belive I haven't updated in so long. I'm ashamed.

Here is a brief history of the past month:

1. Started a new job with Bright Horizons at their Sears Child Development Center. I'm the Assistant Director which basically means I'm the resident bad ass. Heehee. I make sure that the overall running of programs goes smoothly, that teacher's are developing their curriculum, and that all the marketing for the center is followed through to completion. I LOVE THIS JOB. What a blessing...

2. Had my graduation party (finally!) and was able to honor some really special teachers and people in my life. Thanks to those of you who were able to come, it was AWESOME, and we missed those of you that couldn't.

3. Went to Las Vegas for the first time to witness the Chicago Rush WIN THE ARENA BOWL (think Super Bowl for Arena Football). It was such a RUSH... hahaha, good times all around.

That really it... enjoy the pictures and if you will, accept my appology for being so lazy =)

Final Rush Game in Detriot

A bunch of us girls went to cheer on our boys at their last game of the season in Detroit... and they won! On to the playoffs!!!!




Gloria and Ann caught one of the mini- footballs! So funny as we threw out hundreds of those throughout our season.







Our little group. Rush Dancers are awesome!!!









The jeans I made... I love my Rush!!!

Craig's Birthday

Happy 23rd to a dear friend!






Jennifer, Jen, Randi, Steve-o, Brett, and Dan










Kyle, Craig, Moi, Beno, Brett, and Keith












"I can always tell a Milford Man when I see one..."










"Hey brother..."
"Ok, Buster, thanks for the backrub. You can stop now."

Great America

A fabulous day of zero lines, cool weather, and 15+ rides on all of the best coasters with Ben, Craig, Drew, myself and the Squirrel...

My life is good...

I am reminding myself of reasons why my life is good/things I am blessed with:



My beautiful small group- Kelly M., Kelly D., Kayla, Liz, Katrina, Lizzie, Sarah, Taylor Sep, Beth, Taylor Sok, Lauren, Katelyn, Christine, Kendra, Courtney and my Co-conspiritor Jen =)...



Lasting friendships- Michelle, Jenna, Corey, Cherie, Christina, Meghan, Liz...





Awesome family- Mom, Dad, Ryan, Skooge, Cali family, East Coast fam, Mid-west fam...



Great friends and boyfriend- Drew, Kelly, Kristen, Craig, Keith, Kyle, Adam, Tiffany, Jenny, and of course, my Ben...


The list goes on and on... and I am reminded, once again, how good God is.

I needed that.

Help me Please

I would like to work in a mental health care facility- hospitals, outpatient, group homes... anything. I want to do mental health counseling, case managing, group home facillitator... ANYTHING.

I am at my limit, I feel like I have no more connections to try. If you know of anyone who does this or know of anyone in HR who you could refer me to, please let me know.

E-mail me at Anna@theism.net or leave a comment.

Thank you.

A parade outside my house...

Tonight was a "pee-in-your-pants" kind of night. I laughed so hard I had to be given oxygen...

I was home with our house guest Elizabeth (she's here from Scottland and in seminary!). She had a clay figure she'd made at a retreat and was given instructions on how to bake it. Low heat for 15 minutes. I helped her set up the oven and we went back to our own activities...

6 minutes later, "Anna, it's burning! Do you smell that?!?! UGH!!!"

"No, not really. Just take it outside" I say from the other room. Out of the corner of my eye I see her run outside with her burnt treassure, and turned around to extend my sympathy.

And then my lungs started burning.

"UGH, this smell is toxic!" I yelled, lauging but still choking. "What did you do?"

"Eeek, what do we do? Oh no, I've killed your house!" she exclaimed in her adorable scottish accent.

"Elizabeth, open the windows and doors, turn the fans on!" I start running around the house trying to ventilate, all the while Elizabeth is more or less panicking. Every few moments we start to laugh hysterically, and then stop because we couldn't breathe.

Finally I said, "I'm calling 911. This could get really bad"...

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Yeah, I don't even know if this is one but a clay pot started burning and now our house smells like toxicity. Any ideas on how to vent the house?"

"Ma'm, you need to get yourself and any other living creatures out of the house right now. I'm sending the fire department over right away."

"Hmm, ok."


I grab Skooge and put him in the backyard; I didn't think it was a good idea to have our man-biting territorial dog around when big intrusive men came through the house.

I grabbed a few hand towels and threw them at Elizabeth. "Breathe through these!" If you'd been watching us, you would have thought the entire back wing of the house was on fire; with my years of lifeguard and safety training as well as extensive rescue techniques I learned in Disney, I began to take the necessary steps to safety... doors closed, towels stuffed in the cracks. Get everyone out of the house and get all the windows open. Check for anyone left behind... Skooge was in the back, Elizabeth was in the garage watching (I really don't think she had any idea what to do with herself). Call mom and dad. Oh yeah. Call Mom and Dad...

"Uh, Mom, if you are on your way home and happen to arrive and see fire-trucks, a police car and an ambulence, just know that everything is ok."

"HUH?" she replied; somewhat confused, but not panicked. Betweek our families numerous hospital visits and us smoking ourselves out of the house a few years back, I don't think much can surprise her anymore.

"Yeah, we burned a pot and the fumes are bad and the 911 lady said to get out of the house. I've secured the rooms and opened all of the windows and..."

"Did you get the birds out?!?!"

"THE BIRDS! I'll call you back!"

I grabbed my breathing towel and ran back in for the bird cages. The canaries, Bird and Yellow Feather seemed to enjoy their little excursion. Jasmine the parakeet was more or less annoyed.

Finally, all of us- three birds, one Skooge, one Scottsman (well, woman) and a former Disney Princess- are safely standing in the driveway. I can not contain my laughter while Elizabeth prepares to be sent back home.

The team arrives and the EMT decides I need to be taken into the ambulance to have my vitals checked. I'm pretty sure I was light headed from laughing so hard, but I wasn't about to argue.

"Ok little lady, we're going to give you a little oxygen to clear your lungs out. How do her vitals look EMT Guy #2?"

"She's 100% on everything; her heart rate's up a bit but that's it" EMT Guy #2 said.

"I really feel ok, just... oh wait, I'm getting a call."

"Anna? What are they saying, we're almost home..."

"Yeah, I'm getting oxygen right now Mom, I'm going to have to call you back."

"Hmm. Ok honey, see you soon." No panic. Just kind of like, "Just another day with the Poling's"

I finally sign away my life so I can get off of the ambulance and Elizabeth comes running, "Are you ok? They said it was nothing to worry about. You did the right thing! Can you breathe? Would you like some juice?"

"I'm fine. Really."

"Ok, well..."

We couldn't stop laughing. No harm, no foul right? =)


The parent's arrived after everyone had left. A little confused, not as worried as they realized everything was ok. It still smells but apparantly we'll be ok.

Yep, just another night at my house.

Feeling kinda blue. Actually, I feel pretty crappy.

Do you ever get that feeling like, no matter how hard you try (or don't try), you just can't win? Like no matter what you do, someone(s) will find a way to make you feel like shit about "it", whatever "it" may be.

People are insecure and they rub their insecurity off onto you and even though you KNOW their response is unjustified and childish, you still are emotionally effected.

Also, I'm a firm believer in create your own destiny with God as your cheerleader and guide. I'm a go-getter and little gets in my way when I'm out to achieve something. But it's a fact that many times, our success and/or survival (financial or otherwise) is dependent on those around you. Not fair.

I reflect on those who have it MUCH worse off than I. I am thankful for the friends, family and life I've been blessed with. But I despise the ugliness in others that inevitably makes me feel ugly. I despise it because deep down, I just want those people to feel loved, worthy of being precious because they ARE. But I can not change the fact that the surface hurts; that the things in life that made them feel ugly make them ugly in turn. I hate it because I see ugliness in myself; I hate it because how can I love others when I feel unable to love myself sometimes?

Unnoticed, under-cared for, unprotected. Maybe useless. Vulnerable. Small. Maybe even invisible.

Sorta.

I know it's not true. But it still sucks. Blah.

Funny quotes of the week...

"The only thing Jack Bauer is addicted to is being The Man" -BG

"Jack Bauer is the only one who can get away with going the wrong direction in traffic and screaming, 'MOVE!'" -AP

"Uh, point plaquard"; "Deep beak"; "The Gazette"; "Lincoln... MONUMENT!"; "The colors of these M&M's are too muted for my taste"; -Any number of people playing 25...

"I need you to give more head on that" -Rush Captain

"Does this place only hire Spanish speaking people?" -AP

Two eight counts into a longish dance routine, "Are we almost done?" -Little girl at the pom clinic, to which Ashley responded, "Do the dance." You may or may not have had to have been there.

"I'm a professional dancer for the AFL" (Me, clearly) "Do you use pole? I been to place like that once. You make lots of money?" -Lady at the nail salon. Me: (after a looooong pause)"Sure".

This is fun.

Be helpful.

Be entertained.

Experience truth.

If there was any doubt...

THIS IS WHY I DON'T DO THIS ANYMORE!
Wow.

Tired but good...

It has been a long time since I've felt 'good'. To be open and honest in hopes that it will help others, I have struggled with depression for over a year now and since I've changed a medication I've been taking, I am starting to feel like myself again.

I know some people have issues with medication for depression but the way I see it is this: you would not deny a diabetic their insulin because their body does not produce it, so why deny someone medication that produces seratonin when their body is struggling to make it?

For me, I see this as most likely temporary. With the help of my counselor and medication, I've been able to learn new coping mechanisms and truly look at why I'm struggling with a clear head that doesn't get overwhelmed easily, making the healing process impossible. However, if I continue to struggle, I will allow myself to HELP myself with a combination of medication and counseling.



I hosted a sleepover for the small group I lead through Student Impact Saturday night. Without breaking confidentiality, I ask that you PRAY PRAY PRAY for these young women (upwards of 15 of them) who are struggling with deep, painful issues. I feel weak, worried, and so small- I love every single one of these girls but constantly feel sub-par because I often worry that I'm not keeping up with them individually. It is overwhelming even though it is rewarding. I ask that you pray for me- I have been given a unique opportunity to serve these girls as women like Eve Rickert and Dana Evans served me during my high school years, but I am struggling with feel inadequate to keep up with it. Pray that these girls have NO doubt how much I love them, and even less doubt about God's love for them.

I am tired. I am scared for my future, scared to get a real job, scared and worried at how I'm going to pay this month's bills, fix my car and get a new computer; I have such amazing dreams and have little doubt that God will bless me, but this time in my life is so hard. However, I know I will be taken care of.

I am tired; but I am good.

Pray

Pray for lives that are turning upside down, for the hearts that are being broken.

Pray for the minds of the little ones who can not comprehend but are far from ignorant.

Pray for the Mother with two broken daughters and only one beating heart, for the husband overwhelmed with what's landed- no, exploded- on him.

Pray for the people who love her, but more for the people who hate her. Pray for the heart that is dead inside, that it would see reason to continue to pulse.

Pray for the ripples that are already in motion and pray for the water to just stand still for once.

Turn to Him because I definitely don't have the answers.

Spent an hour and a half on the website reliving the surreal gathering.



Jesus- somehow... we are still in love with you.



Sick.

I fear for my children

One of my favorite things to do before I go to bed is cozy up under my covers, turn out all the lights and for about 10-15 minutes, I watch infomercials. With all of the random concoctions that people come up with- mostly exercise related- it's no wonder that people become obsessed with their weight. Everyone's looking for the next way to shed the pounds, and these people know how to sell.

I often find myself thinking, "I need a Sauna Belt that allows me to sweat off the pounds while doing nothing./ I need an Ab Lounger (actually, those are pretty cool and if I could afford one, I'd buy it)!"

People's fascination with 'the next big thing' in weight loss scares me. Burn more calories than you take in= lost weight. It's always worked that way. Walking, a bit of cardio, lifting soup cans, do push backs off of your counter tops, stretch while watching T.V.- there are so many ways to stay fit, so why are we so lazy that we obsess and go into debt over a fitness program that claims the most amount of weight loss with the least amount of work???

I'm just scared for the way that body image will be percieved when I have children- if we can never be too skinny now, what is that stress going to do to them? Is laziness going to be so acceptable that fitness and health will be a thing of the past?

I hope not...

A new calling...

Ben and I have officially become humble servants to HIs Royal Highness, Sir Bad Ass Bauer, Lord Keifer of the Timeclock.
I think watching 8 episodes in one day and finishing an entire season in less that a week counts for SOMETHING.

I'm not sure what to do with myself now.

Wait....

Ben just bought Season 2.

See you in a week.

March 5th

I just realized when I wrote that date that it will take on a totally different meaning than I intended. Woah. You are reading my surprise as I am experiencing it right now.

I originally wanted to let the masses (all 12 of you who read this) know that March 5th is our big fundraiser half-time show for the Rush (www.chicagorush.com) and I would love for any and all of you to come. Tickets are center field and are $20. Please let me know ASAP if you can come as we have to order these discounted tix by next Wednesday.

That was my original post.

As I wrote it, however, I realized that many people view that as Laurie's date of death, even though we are now fairly certain it was March 2nd. I guess for many of us, that will be added to the list of "I'll never forget where I was when _____ happened". I was at the Super-Sectional Pom competition, trying to motivate the team of girls I coached while getting calls and updates about what exactly happened. I know a fairly powerful man in the media industry who's T.V. channel was one of the first to announce when her body was located. I heard it before it was on the news, but I'm sure not before the other family members. I was shocked. I was heartbroken. I was confused. I felt unworthy of those emotions, yet I could not get rid of them.

I wonder how I'll feel this year as I'm dancing center field...

Friday night is...

The Chicago Rush home opener! Yea!!! If anyone wants tickets in the future, I get main floor seating for only $18... what a deal! Come support me and see one of the coolest, fastest and most intense games around! Yipee!!!Go here to learn more about it!!!

Things I Have Recently Become Attached To...

1. 24

How did he know?

Been pretty down lately. Confused about the future... worried about finances... need to get insurance... need to fix my computer... wondering if everything I've done up until now is actually important.

And then I get a card.
It's simple; a little girl in a tutu dancing on the beach. Inside it said:

Since the day your first "danced" into our lives, you have been a wonder and a source of delight.
That has been- and always will be- so.
As you take new steps, new twirls, new jumps, we watch in eager anticipation at how you will choreograph this amazing gift called life.
We're watching with joy and love.
Point your toes... the music has just begun.
Love, Dad

He really knows me. He knows what I love, how I've done life, what is special to me.
I am the luckiest daughter in the world, and I love him so, so much.

I'm addicted.

To facebook. Forgive my recent absence. The link is to the right. Oh boy...
Be back soon...

We go to-gether....

I was watching "Grease" on VH1 today and so much of it made me just laugh. Why do I know EVERY SINGLE song? Why is this the most imitated movie? Seriously, though, how many people do you know wanted to be a Pink Lady, or knew how to do the "Hand Jive"? What the F is the hand jive?!?!

It brought me back to much of the first 18 years of my life: we said a Grease medley in 7th grade choir, my small group was "The Pink Ladies" one year at Blast, I sang "hopelessly Devoted" my Sophomore year in the Solo and Ensemble Contest, and my Junior year prom dress was basically the same dress (different color) as Sandy wore in the Dance-Off scene.
And as cheesy as it is, the final "We Go Together" reminded me of the groups of friends that I did life with all through high school... so many different types of people, so many different types of relationships.

And now I'm entering a new phase of my life... yet again. I'm not happy, and I'm not sad. I just am. I love seeing friends from other 'eras'... somehow we will always connect, even when we go for long periods of time without seeing each other. As I build new friendships, I often wonder if they will be long lasting or just for a season... will I lose them to careers, distance, spouses, families, tragedy?

I guess I just find it interesting that as I come to different monuments in my life, the "change" that I wonder about normally has to do with friends, and how and where they will go.

I want to be the type of person that never takes advantage of a friend; I want to remind those that are special to me just how much I love them; if we part ways, I want them to know how valuable our time together was, and nothing can ever change that. I never want to miss the good gifts that are given to me.