Insecure.

That word bothers me. Insecure. Shouldn't it mean we are IN SECURITY? Like, it security surrounds us?

Well, I certainly know I'M not feeling very surrounded.

Why do we get depressed when we are sick? I lose track of my normal schedule, I fall behind, and then I feel like I'm never going to catch up. I'm quick to become emotional and therefore quick to be offended or worse, offend. I miss my friends terribly, feel like a horrible friend for not staying in touch better with those whom I love dearly, and yet again am stressed because 'staying in touch' is one more thing I am definitely NOT on top of.

Screw Statistics homework... I need a nap. Oh wait, I took one and felt guilty because I'm so far behind on everything.

Tears overwhelm those whom I need hugs from the most. How do I explain I'm insecure because I know I'm acting insecure even though I'm pretty sure I'm not insecure most of the time, but fear and insecurity still lurk into my everyday? Does that even make sense?

And when, oh when, do I stop living in fear of the past? When do things stop triggering a fear that was instilled in me previously, even though there is no grounds for that fear now other than the memory of it? Is it fair to hold someone accountable for pain they caused even though they would drop the world for you now? Is if fair to still be scared?

I love my tears. I don't think I over-react. At least not most of the time.

Every single muscle in my body aches from last Saturday. I have projects to do, midterms to study for, clothes to clean, friends to call.

All I want to do now is sleep.