Paradigm Shift

I don't know when it happened; I don't know what I did.

I just know that there has been a lack of respect for me within my house from my family. I am picked on. I am told to "Calm down!" when I voice frustration for something someone did to disrespect me. I was forgotten when guests come. My requests are taken lightly, even smirked at, and then forgotten. I am told I'm just being emotional; so what? I stopped getting things "just because" and everything turned into "Birthday/Graduation/Christmas" because by happenstance, they all ended up in the same 9 day period. No one seems to respect or even care that my love language is gifts: I guess I am just simply materialistic, right? People OUTSIDE my family listen to me more than my fam does. Words of thanks because "I feel so loved because you really thought about what to give me/how to serve me/etc." make me want to scream because that's what I'VE been trying to get across all these years.

I am lonely. I have no idea what I want to do with my immediate future; I'm sick of people asking. I have no insurance after January 1st and I have no idea how I'm going to pay for my medications.

I just feel forgotten about and like I can't do anything right.
Yet I know I'm loved. Somewhere inside I know I AM loved. I don't doubt that. I just don't feel it. And I'm sick of people not willing to think, "Huh. Maybe I'm part of that."

I guess I just need to "get over it" right?