- Sitting in the arms of a beloved babysitter crying, emotionally inconsolable, wanting nothing more than my Mommy and knowing she wasn't coming home anytime soon. Did I do something wrong? Why did she leave us? Is her broken heart fixed yet? I just want my mamma...
- Listening to my brother as he was physically "schizophrenic" and uncontrollable. We didn't know how to help him, how to calm his body down, how to focus his mind. We realized he was craving positive physical touch so he would do anything- even get in trouble- to somehow make contact. We realized calm but firm talking and actually hugging, patting his back and stroking his hair worked a million times better than spanking and forceful, firm grasps. In moderation, both helped him more than we could understand. We had to learn. It was hard and required a crazy amount of patience. But it was worth it.
- Getting violently sick. Needing my Mom. She wasn't there. Because of her ass hole Dad. The backlash from HIS actions rippled into MY life and are the cause of some sickening flashbacks. He stole my Mom away from us.
But not forever.
What's done is done.
We chose to move forward.
But what happened will always have "happened".
You can't take that shit back.
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1 comment:
Urghhhh, so hard, too much. Not fair. You will never know how much YOUR presence in this family is appreciated and acknowledged and seen as one huge gift from God. Pete and I get to spend New Year's Eve at our dear friends house tonight at a sleepover with Denver, Maya and Isaiah. Your care for them I know is no easy task. Thank you for that sooo much.
Love, Miss Barb (which I think is so cute of you to call me.)
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