Just Me

I don't think ever I realized how seriously I'm struggling with needing to be good enough, feeling like my lovableness or coolness level has to do with whatever 'cool' thing I'm doing at any given moment. I was the shit in high school when I was President of Student Council and one of the best Poms. I had a bunch of lead roles in musicals in college, and then was admired when I was Cinderella in DIsney World, and even though coming home sucked, I became cool again when I was a Luvabull. But now that I'm not a Luvabull, I must not have any 'worth' because I'm not doing anything other than finishing school.
I was reading my report card from 2nd and 3rd grade last night and the comments that were recurrent said, "Anna interacts with others well, and is well liked by her peers. She is extremely bright and picks things up quickly, but if something doesn't come as quickly as she's used to, she tends to give up easily. She will stop listening mid-direction, thinking she already knows how to do it." Whoa. Wake up call from 1989.
Seriously, though, I wonder how many 'overachievers' feel the same way I do? I realize that I enjoy living by really high standards, but that's not always a good thing. I hurt those I love by expecting too much out of them, and set myself up for disappointment because I can never seem to please anyone, even myself.
Why do I do that? Part of it, I believe, is not a bad thing. I love setting high goals because I know I can reach them and it's extremely fulfilling. But how can I just be happy with today? How can I learn to not judge myself as "successful" based on who I've danced for or how many Disney Princessess I've been?
The hardest part is when I fail (or, in reality, act human), I feel like crap. I think I suck, or I think I'll never be good enough. How silly is that?!?!?! Quite. But I just can't seem to stop doing it.
However, these are all recent insights and my prayer is that my newfound awareness for this 'inner struggle' will allow me to go easy on myself and those around me. I desire to be pleased with each day I'm given, and not always wish for tomorrow. I want to be blessed by my accomplishments, not worried about the next thing I need to achieve. I want to love myself in my own skin rather than feel icky because I don't look like I did when I was a professional dancer. I want to see me the way God sees me, cliche as that may sound.
I just want to be ok with me.